Do you ever feel like you just can’t stop thinking about someone? It’s a common experience, particularly after a breakup or when you’re longing for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. These unwanted thoughts can take a real toll on your emotional and mental well-being.
This article explores practical strategies for distraction, helps you understand attachment styles, and discusses when seeking professional help might be the best path forward if you’re struggling with thinking about someone constantly and want to know how to distract yourself from someone.
Understanding the “Why”: Rumination, Obsession, and Attachment
Sometimes, you just can’t stop thinking about someone. To figure out how to stop, it can help to understand why you’re thinking about them so much.
Rumination vs. Obsession
Rumination is when you keep thinking about something that happened in the past, like a relationship. It’s normal to think about things sometimes, but it can become a problem if you do it too much.
Obsession is different. It’s when you have thoughts that you don’t want that cause you distress. Sometimes, obsession is a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Attachment Styles and Their Impact
Attachment style is a theory about how you relate to other people. There are different types of attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might ruminate more about your relationships.
When you know your attachment style, you can better understand why you’re having a hard time moving on and thinking about someone else.
Taking action: Practical distraction techniques
When you’re trying to get someone off your mind, distraction can be a good tool, as well as other proven steps to remove someone from your mind and heart. Grounding exercises can help you manage and cope with the distressing feelings that come up as you try to redirect your thoughts.
Here are some examples of grounding exercises you can try:
- Play a memory game. Look at a detailed picture, then look away and try to recreate the picture in your mind.
- Think in categories. Pick a broad category like “dog breeds” or “breakfast foods” and try to list as many items in that category as you can.
- Use math and numbers. Practice your times tables or try counting backward from 100 by 7s.
- Describe what’s around you. Use all five senses to describe the details of your surroundings. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel?
Refocusing on yourself and your passions
When you’re trying to distract yourself from someone, it’s important to focus on self-care activities. Think about focusing on your hobbies, your career, or volunteer work. Investing in other relationships can also help you shift your focus.
Lexi Joondeph-Breidbart is a licensed social worker. She says, “Whether this is returning to a previous hobby or picking up a new one, showing yourself that there are other things outside of this person that bring happiness will help you feel less reliant on them.”
Remove reminders and interrupt those fantasies
Get rid of external triggers
It’s important to get rid of anything that reminds you of the person you’re trying to forget. Mute or block them on social media. Hide or delete old chats and photos. Put away any physical items that remind you of them. This can be a hard step, but it’s necessary.
Break the fantasy cycle
Fantasizing about someone intensifies unwanted thoughts. Challenge the image you have of this person. Remind yourself of their flaws and the reasons things didn’t work out. Ask yourself, “How could they be my perfect partner when one of the most important qualities of my perfect partner should be that they are available and interested in being a partner to me?”
Grieving and Moving On: Accepting the Loss
You may need to grieve the loss of the relationship or even the idea of the relationship you thought you had. Let yourself feel those feelings. Cry, yell, write it all down, whatever you need to do to release those emotions.
Be kind to yourself during this time, and be patient. As Angela Sitka puts it, “Sometimes the feelings about a person are so strong that we need an outlet to release these feelings from our body and minds to truly move on.”
Is it possible to stop loving someone?
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Especially when the love isn’t returned, is it even “love” in the first place?
Relationship expert Angela Sitka says it might be infatuation instead. “The feelings we can develop for an unrequited love can be quite intense, but it is different from real love. One-sided infatuations cannot ever develop into love because real love requires a connection with the real person.”
It’s important to be honest with yourself about what you’re really feeling.
Sitka adds, “Love needs to be fed and fueled to survive. When you stop learning about the other person, discontinue contact, place your energy somewhere else, and reflect on the reasons why you may not be together, love may start to fade.”
When should I seek professional help?
Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Therapy can be a great way to understand and process your emotions. As licensed social worker Lexi Joondeph-Breidbart says, “Explore your love for this person through therapy.”
Therapist Angela Sitka says you might need extra support if you find yourself making unwanted attempts to contact the person, constantly bringing them up in conversations, or spending excessive time looking at old photos and social media posts.
Intrusive thoughts can also be related to stress or a mental health condition, so don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional, and consider exploring anxiety activities for adults.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to stop thinking about that one person?
Let’s be real, completely stopping thoughts about someone is tough. Instead, aim to redirect your thoughts. Engage in activities you love, spend time with friends and family, practice mindfulness to acknowledge thoughts without dwelling, and limit exposure to reminders of that person. It’s about subtly shifting your mental focus.
How to stop wasting time thinking about someone?
Recognize the thought patterns. Are you romanticizing the past or obsessing over what-ifs? Once you identify those patterns, actively interrupt them. Get up, move around, engage in a task that requires concentration. The goal is to break the cycle of rumination and reclaim your time and energy.
How can I distract myself from someone?
Distraction can be a powerful tool, but it’s best used strategically. Find healthy distractions that are engaging and fulfilling. This could mean pursuing a new hobby, diving into a good book, volunteering, spending time in nature, or focusing on personal goals. Avoid unhealthy distractions like excessive social media use, which can sometimes amplify feelings of loneliness or comparison.
How long will it take to stop thinking about them?
There’s no magic timeline. The amount of time it takes to stop thinking about someone varies depending on the intensity of the relationship, your attachment style, and how consistently you implement healthy coping mechanisms. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and remember that healing is a process, not a destination.
To conclude
Be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s OK to have good days and bad days. It’s entirely possible to move forward and find joy again. Use these strategies to help you cope, and don’t hesitate to seek professional support if you need it. You’ve got this.