Why do we cry? Exploring the psychology of crying
Crying involves the release of tears from the tear ducts. But it’s more than just a simple reflex. Crying is a complex behavior that’s tied to our biology, our emotions, and our social lives.
We often think of crying as a response to sadness or pain. But we also cry when we’re happy or relieved. And the experience of crying can differ from person to person and situation to situation.
This article explores the psychology of crying. We’ll look at:
- The biological reasons why we cry
- The emotional functions of crying
- The social implications of crying
We’ll also discuss what it means if you have trouble crying and how that might relate to how you process emotions. By diving into the many layers of tears, we hope to better understand this uniquely human experience.
The biological basis of crying
Believe it or not, not all tears are the same. They have different jobs and are made up of different things.
Types of Tears
We generally recognize three kinds of tears:
- Basal tears: These are the tears that are always there, lubricating and protecting our eyes. Basal tears are made up of proteins, water, mucus, and oils.
- Reflexive tears: These tears come about because of an irritant, like dust, smoke, or chopping an onion. Reflexive tears flush out the irritant and protect your eye.
- Emotional tears: These are the tears we cry when we feel something strongly, whether it’s sadness, joy, or anger. Emotional tears are chemically different from the other two types of tears, which makes them more visible and communicative.
What’s in emotional tears?
Emotional tears have higher levels of hormones like prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), and Leu-enkephalin. These hormones are tied to stress and how we regulate our emotions.
They also have more protein than basal or reflexive tears. The increased protein makes emotional tears more noticeable, sending a signal to others.
What happens in our bodies when we cry?
When we cry, our sympathetic nervous system kicks in, leading to changes like:
- increased heart rate
- sweating
- a lump in your throat (globus sensation)
Crying can also activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which can have a calming effect and may be why crying can sometimes make us feel better.
The evolutionary and social functions of crying
Crying isn’t just about feeling sad; it plays a role in how we connect with each other and even how we’ve evolved as humans.
Evolutionary perspectives on crying
One idea is that crying evolved as a way to communicate and to show we’re not a threat. Think about it: crying shows vulnerability. We’re signaling that we’re submitting to someone stronger, asking for help from people nearby, and showing that we care about our relationships.
When we cry, our vision gets blurry. This may signal helplessness. That blurring could be a signal that triggers a caregiving response in others. If someone looks like they can’t take care of themselves, we’re more likely to want to help.
Crying as a social signal
Crying is a way to communicate that we’re distressed and need support. It’s a tool for expressing vulnerability and getting empathy from other people. When we see someone cry, it often makes us feel compassion toward them.
Sharing tears can strengthen social bonds. It can create a feeling of closeness and connection.
The role of crying in conflict resolution
Crying can be useful in neutralizing anger and conflict. It may signal that we want to make up and understand each other better.
Showing vulnerability through crying can encourage empathy and compromise from the other person. It can make them see us as more human and less like an opponent.
Crying and emotion regulation
Crying is more than just a physical reaction; it’s closely tied to how we manage our emotions. Here’s how:
Crying as a coping mechanism
Crying can be a way to cope with and manage difficult emotions. It might help release emotional tension and give you a sense of catharsis. But while we often think of crying as cathartic, research hasn’t consistently proven that it always leads to immediate emotional relief, though practicing distress tolerance can help.
Self-soothing effects of crying
Crying might trigger physiological processes that help you relax and lower stress. Some of these processes include:
- activating the parasympathetic nervous system
- releasing oxytocin
Crying can also help you reframe a situation or see it from a new angle. It can help you to improve your self-image and gain a new perspective.
What affects your mood after crying?
Whether crying improves your mood depends on a few things, including your own personality, the situation that made you cry, and how other people react. If you get support and comfort from others, it can significantly improve your mood after a good cry and give you hope and healing.
The simple act of crying doesn’t guarantee immediate emotional relief. It’s a complex process influenced by many different factors.
Gender, culture, and crying
How often we cry, how long we cry, and even if we cry is affected by our gender and culture.
Gender differences in crying
Research shows that women cry more frequently and for longer periods than men. The average woman cries 30 to 64 times a year, while the average man cries 6 to 17 times. Men tend to cry for two to four minutes at a time, while women average about six minutes.
Sobbing happens more often when women cry. About 65% of women sob when they cry, while only 6% of men do.
These gender differences in crying likely come from a combination of biological factors, social conditioning, and cultural norms.
Cultural influences on crying
Cultural norms dictate when, where, and how it’s acceptable to cry. Some cultures view crying as a sign of weakness, while others see it as a healthy way to express emotions.
Religious views also influence how people see tears. In some faiths, tears are associated with repentance, contrition, and devotion.
Intergenerational transmission of emotional suppression
The societal norms of past generations can have a big effect on whether or not people feel comfortable crying. If past generations suppressed emotions, that suppression can pass down through families. That influences how people learn to manage and express their emotions.
Crying in infants and children
Infant crying as communication
When babies cry, it’s their way of telling you something. Crying signals their needs, such as hunger, pain, discomfort, or wanting your attention. It might also mean they’re overstimulated.
It’s interesting to note that babies learn and mimic their parents’ pitch when they cry. A study confirmed that babies mimic their parents’ pitch contour in crying.
Interpreting infant cries
As parents spend time with their children, they learn to tell the difference between various types of cries. One study showed that the experience of raising children improves parents’ ability to identify what different cries mean.
There are different ideas about how to respond to a crying baby. Some people prefer to comfort the baby right away, while others think it’s better to let the baby learn to self-soothe. The “crying-in-arms” approach involves holding and comforting the baby while they cry.
Crying and child development
Crying helps children develop emotional regulation skills. As children grow, they learn how to manage their emotions and express them in ways that are considered socially acceptable.
Excessive crying in infancy may be connected to prenatal stress or birth trauma. One study correlated a mother’s prenatal stress and the amount of crying in her infant.
When crying is difficult or impossible: Exploring non-criers
Some people find it difficult or impossible to cry, even when they’re feeling strong emotions. There hasn’t been much research on this phenomenon, and I think it’s an area worth exploring.
For some people, not being able to cry is distressing. It can make them feel isolated or disconnected from other people.
What causes people to have difficulty crying?
One potential cause is alexithymia. Alexithymia is when you have trouble identifying and expressing your emotions. In my own informal email experiment, which turned into a real study, I found that people who couldn’t cry often had alexithymia.
Certain medical conditions can also affect how often you cry.
If you’re consciously or unconsciously suppressing your emotions, that can also keep you from crying.
Coping strategies and seeking help
If you’re struggling because you can’t cry, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore your emotions and find healthier ways to cope.
Practicing mindfulness and paying attention to your emotions can also help.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the psychology behind people who cry a lot?
The psychology behind frequent crying is complex. It could stem from a heightened sensitivity to emotions, underlying mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, or even personality traits such as high empathy. Sometimes, frequent crying is a learned coping mechanism or a way to seek social support. It’s important to consider the individual’s context and emotional history to understand the reasons behind their crying.
What are the three types of crying?
There are three main types of tears: basal, reflex, and emotional. Basal tears keep the eyes lubricated and protect them from debris. Reflex tears are triggered by irritants like dust or onions. Emotional tears, shed in response to feelings, contain higher levels of stress hormones like cortisol and the pain reliever leucine-enkephalin, suggesting they serve a unique purpose.
What does psychology say about crying?
Psychology views crying as a complex emotional and social behavior. While it’s often associated with sadness, crying can also be a response to joy, anger, or frustration. It’s seen as a natural way to process emotions, relieve stress, and communicate distress to others. The social context of crying, and how others respond, can significantly impact its effects on well-being.
What does crying do to you mentally?
Crying can have varied mental effects. For some, it provides emotional release and a sense of catharsis, reducing feelings of stress or sadness. For others, crying might trigger feelings of shame or vulnerability, especially if they perceive it as a sign of weakness. The impact of crying on mental well-being largely depends on individual differences, cultural norms, and the specific circumstances surrounding the crying episode.
Conclusion
Crying is so much more than just feeling sad. It’s a complex process that’s rooted in our biology, shaped by evolution, and influenced by our social interactions and personal psychology.
Although we often think of crying as a response to sadness, tears can serve many purposes. Crying is a way to communicate how we feel, regulate our emotions, and connect with other people. Sometimes, a good cry can be a powerful way to show vulnerability, get support from others, and even work through disagreements.
By understanding the psychology behind crying, we can become more aware of our own emotions and more empathetic toward others. It helps us to see that tears aren’t just a sign of weakness or sadness. Instead, they reflect the full range of human experience.
There’s still so much to learn about crying. Future research can explore the experiences of people who don’t cry often, as well as the long-term effects of crying on our overall emotional health. As we continue to unravel the mysteries of tears, we can gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be human.